As I closed the last cabinet door in my parents’ wall of bookshelves, I felt a deep sense of sadness. I had searched the whole house, hoping that I might find my mom’s life stories written down somewhere. Although I didn’t find what I was looking for, I discovered inspiration. I knew I had to find a way to help other people save their stories for their loved ones.
My treasure hunt did turn up one other precious gem, a journal my mom kept during her travels in Ireland with my twin brother. In that red journal, I found jotted notes about places they stayed, food and drinks they consumed, or thoughts she had about “driving on the left and meeting up with oncoming traffic on the winding roads” as they “headed out of Dublin to points south.” She wrote about her unbelievable encounter with two of her long-time friends, neighbors from back home in Connecticut. You could see her disbelief and delight jumping from the pages:
Mom raising a pint to her friends at Durty Nelly’s.
“Imagine! Tedi and George at the same pub in Ireland!!! Needless to say this called for a round of Guinness. Even I had a pint!!! Yes it is a small world!”
For my mom, this was a trip of a lifetime. As she was getting older and had lost her one sibling, both of her parents, and most of her extended family, exploring her family heritage became a hobby of significant interest. She wanted to find churches, towns, and cemeteries of her ancestors. As they followed clues, they ran into barriers, such as a “Beware of Bull, Proceed At Your Own Risk” sign at one cemetery. In her words, “We proceeded! ‘Shooing’ the cows away.” She found this particular cemetery in Ballyduff Upper to be “…a sad site.
See the red journal in mom’s hand!
“No one taking care of this burial ground, stones unreadable; last burial. Tried to do a stone rubbing, but didn’t have right equipment.”
At the suggestion of a farmer, they headed to the other side of town where he said there was an old Doolan (her mother’s maiden name) home site up on the mountain. Again, the many offshoot roads were confusing “like a spider web” so their quest was aborted. As I read on, though, she explained she wasn’t disappointed because she was able to soak in the gorgeous scenery and take lots of pictures, noting “everything is a shade of green.” I wondered if it was on this day that she picked the two clovers that I found neatly folded in a piece of tissue, pressed and tucked inside the pages of the journal.
Despite the fact that I was disappointed not to find more words from my mother, I felt so blessed to have found this treasured journal as it would soon come in handy. You see, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in September. In true fashion, she told cancer to stand off and essentially beat it . . . until six months later when she developed a very rare reaction to her treatment, a side effect which rapidly infiltrated her lungs. Within two days of its visible onset, my loving, thoughtful, witty, incredibly strong, and resilient mother was gone.
Before leaving us on that devastating night in March, my mom somehow found the strength to give my four siblings and me the most amazing gift of love and strength that I draw on every day. We couldn’t believe that she was able to maintain her composure after her doctor explained to her that his only option was to make her comfortable so when she awoke again, she would be with the Almighty God and all those who had gone before her. With that knowledge, she informed us that she had some things to say. . .
“You guys can do this. You are strong and you can get through this. It’s not going to be easy, but you’ve done it before. You had two strong role models. Daddy got us off on the right foot. Be strong. Be strong for your families. I’m going to watch you like a hawk. I want you to take the money and go to Ireland. Rent a house. You’re going to love it, its beautiful there. Tell the good stories. I love you all so very much, and I’m going to miss you so much.”
As I face this Irish month of March and the anniversaries of my parents’ deaths (my mom was always able to get a chuckle out of the fact that, my Italian father had the last laugh by dying on my Irish mom’s favorite holiday, St. Patrick’s Day), I am embracing my mom’s gift of strength. My siblings and I have planned that trip to Ireland that she wanted us to take. We have rented a big house, and we will take that treasure—that beautiful journal of her trip—back to Ireland, and we will see what so inspired her. “Along the way, the countryside continues in it’s beautiful shades of green, rolling hills, divided (by amazing stone walls) pastures. . . .”
With her nine grandchildren, we will follow her travels through the beautiful country where her ancestors came from and will absorb the “Indescribable Cliffs of Moher with a phenomenal ocean view.” While appreciating Ireland through her lenses, we will raise our glasses full of Guinness and Bailey’s to toast our Irish Mother and our Italian Father who, together, gave us the most amazing gifts of love, strength, resilience, and, most importantly, each other.
Oh Ruthie,
What a lovely tribute to your mom from her very special daughter. The gifts she bestowed upon you have been shared from you to so many. Your trip to Ireland will be everything you all hope it will be. God bless you all.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day to the Bergins! XOXO
Thank you so much, Vicki! Spoken from a mom who has also given so much to her own children and grandchildren - they are all so lucky to have you. I hope you are all having a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day! XOXO
Ruth, such a lovely description of your mother-in good times in Ireland and in that sorrowful time at the end of her life.
You are lucky to have this trip planned and to be inspired by her forever.
Thank you, Leah!
Feeling inspired and lucky indeed!
Thank you, Leah…definitely feeling lucky and inspired!
Safe travels, Ruth, and the finding of more stories connected to your dear mother.
Thank you, Marjorie!
Ruth,
What a delightful tribute. Now YOU must journal your upcoming trip with your children and grandchildren in view. Thank you for sharing this with us!
Thank You, Mary Beth! Without a doubt I will be journaling it…I can’t wait!
Ruthie,
I don’t know what to say other than THANK YOU! Mommy and Daddy are looking down on you and the family and I know that they are proud. You truly have Mom’s gift of writing, so hold that close too your heart. I know that she is as proud as I am for such beautiful words. I love you with all of my heart!
David
Thank you, David - love you, too!
Your mom gave you such a gift - the encouragement to move forward with hope, embracing new opportunities. How cool that you’re also ‘paying it forward’ so others will have peace and comfort as generations shift. Irish eyes have got to be smiling!
Feeling extra blessed, and appreciate your support with the movement forward! xo
Thank you for this wonderful memory.
Thank you, Denise!
Ruth,
Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt story of your special mother. It was such a pleasure to read. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words, Nanette. I’m glad that you enjoyed it.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story, Ruth. Enjoy retracing your Mom’s footsteps in Ireland. She will be there in spirit. I’m going to share your blog posting with my Guided Autobiography students in class next week.
Thank you very much, Anne. I would be very honored if you shared this with your students…thank you!!
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Nanette - thank you!
What a beautiful story! Your mother and father taught you the most important life lessons - strength, love, humor, the importance of family and helping others. Enjoy Ireland!
Thank you, Linda. I definitely feel blessed with these life lessons!
Ruthie,
You captured your Mom’s spirit! What a tribute to your family. Her strength as she was dying should be an inspiration to everyone; It showed how much she loved you all and put you all first in her life. Can’t wait to get pictures and stories from your trip.
Thank you, Jean. Her selfless strength has been a definite inspiration to all of us!
Ruth, this is a beautiful and moving blog post. I’m so happy to be able to share it on social media. Wishing you a wonderful, wonderful trip to Ireland.
Thank you so much, Ellen, for your kind words and for sharing this on social media. I am anticipating our trip with much excitement!
Hi, I just saw this for the first time, I am Teddi, whom with George had the great surprise and pleasure of a pub meeting with your Mom and Ralphie in Ireland. It was such a funny experience that I still tell everyone about. She and your father were wonderful people and obviously great parents. I still miss them both!
I just saw this, Ruth, and was so moved … you took so much from the experience of your mom’s life … and her death too. And now you will celebrate her life by doing what she said to: going to Ireland, soaking it in, feeling her presence there. The loss of a parent can sometimes change your life in ways you never anticipated — I’ve experienced this myself, and am blessed for it. Thank you for this, and for reminding me again of my own mom and dad and all that they gave me in memories …